Satisfied?

Been staying up late these days, been spazzing a lot more these days, trying to make myself happy and busy because time makes me think too much. But I guess it doesn’t.. In a sense. This is weird, but usually when I stay up, I try to sleep by 5AM because I can hear the first train arrive from where my house is. It makes me feel like I just wasted a day, or as if I’m going to waste the next day away. It’s a constant reminder about how unsatisfied I am with life and how the world disappoints. How sometimes I feel like I’m giving my all, yet when I look back it felt pointless to the point where I question myself about my decisions. Did I not consider the future? Perhaps I did and made the wrong choice (as always, may I add.) For every 5am I hit, I am rewarded with this enormous pit in my heart. It’s endless. I don’t know why I think this way, but don’t even try to help me fill it up because… Well. I don’t like people intruding in my business. When I let others into my thoughts, it’s like I’m being stripped naked of all my privacy. I don’t like that feeling. It’s insecurity in some sense. Sprinkled with fear and maybe even hatred. Honestly, is it weird? Isn’t it funny how I dislike company so much when humans supposedly cease to exist without it? I don’t know. Maybe this is how a combination of a B bloodtype, Leo and type 5 turns out – screwed up, suicidal, helpless and alone. Pushing the world away from them.

Virtual Insanity

Oh yeah what we’re living in (let me tell ya)
It’ a wonder man can eat at all
When things are big
That should be small
Who can tell what magic spells we’ll be doing for us.
And I’m giving all my love to this world
Only to be told
I can’t see, I can’t breathe
No more will we be
And nothing’s gonna change the way we live
Cuz we can always take and never give
And now that things are changing for the worse,
See, it’s a crazy world we’re living in
And I just can’t see that half of us immersed in sin
Is all we have to give these

Futures made of virtual insanity
now always seem, to be governed by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh now there is no sound for we all live underground

And I’m thinking in what a mess we’re in
Hard to know when to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother can choose the color of her child
That’s not nature’s way
Well that’s what they said yesterday
There’s nothing left to do but pray
I think it’s time I found a new religion
Whoaaa it’s so insane to synthesize another strain
There’s something in these futures that we have to be told.

Futures made of virtual insanity
now always seem, to be governed by this love we have
For useless, twisting of our then new technology
Oh now there is no sound for we all live underground

Now there’s no sound if we all live underground
And now it’s virtual insanity
Forget your virtual reality
Oh, there’s nothing so bad, I know yeah
(Bridge)
Oh, this virtual insanity, we’re living in,
Has got to change, yeah
Things will never be the same
And I can’t go on
While we’re living in oh, oh virtual insanity
Oh, this world has got to change
Cos I just, I just can’t keep going on, it was virtual,
Virtual insanity that we’re living in, that we’re living in
That virtual insanity is what it is

Chorus x2:

Futures made of virtual insanity
now always seem to be governed by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh there is no sound for we all live underground

Living – Virtual Insanity
Living – Virtual Insanity
Living – Virtual Insanity
Living – Virtual Insanity

Virtual Insanity is what we’re living in

It’s time to go.

-

say goodbye to perfection

so i got a daum blog, and i don’t know what to do with the daum blog.

does it matter?

things i want to accomplish by 25th July 2012:

•  good gpa. i’m serious okay, don’t laugh.
• more money.
• Seoul.

Nirvana.

KMW 2011 was so awesome alright. it was the best, proudest, most moving night i ever had as a Blackjack, VIP, Addicted and Crown Family member. i love you GD&TOP, SOL, VI, 2NE1, Kwon Youngdeuk and my fellow fans. i really do :’>

it was a total YG night so it sucked for FT Island and yeah i was really disappointed that they only performed 4 songs. it’s okay though, because FT Island will be coming back for an Asian tour. i’ll be waiting ^^

and oh i changed my tumblr url.
kwon-yd

spill

i read somewhere that exactly half the year has passed, so.

why the first half of the year has been awesome:

• Korea <3
• Big Bang comeback.

why the next half of the year is going to be crap:

• i’m going to be worrying about EOYs like mad but i won’t have that much time to study because of NJRC, then i’ll start falling alseep in class thanks to late nights and that’s going to worsen my grades then i’ll do badly in EOYs and i won’t be promoted/conditionally promoted and i won’t get a good enough gpa.

why the next half of the year is going to be awesome:

• i don’t know. korean music wave? uljjang shidae?

gah fuck i can’t wait for this to be over.

ridin down seoul city

11.04

whoever can guess which drama OST this song was from wins a virtual cookie.

i was in a rather crap mood after camp so i went to walk around orchard and spent money like no ones business. unfortunately the happiness i bought lasted a mere few hours and i still feel like crap now.

Crush

3.46am
to be honest i’ve never suceeded in anything.
i’ve never been exceptionally good at anything, never tasted the sweetness of victory, never cried due to success, never been able to make anything amazing. to list out everything i’ve failed at would be terribly embarrassing (ugh, my dear pride again) and would be a really long list. i don’t know to be happy or sad about it.. living a mediocre, average life.. i figure i’d be fine with that but it just doesn’t fit the egoistic, successful sign i’m supposed to be.

fuck life.